Politic-kle Me Elmo

I didn’t vote yesterday.

Call me Unamerican. Call me a hypocrite. Call me pathetic. Call me what you will. (What you will! ;) )

I wanted to vote. I really did. I was planning on getting up early, scratching the first frost of the season off my car and heading over to the Andorra Public Library bright and early.

And then I stopped and thought.

Who the hell am I voting for? But more importantly, what the hell am I voting for?

I remember back in sixth grade when the class elections were just a big popularity contest and all the snot-nosed punks were making promises they knew they could never make good on.

“Half-days at school from here until June!”

“Free ice cream every day!”

I can say, as a 23 year old, not much has changed. The ones running for office often have snot drizzling down their chins and they are still making those blank promises that even a damn genie couldn’t see through.

People say all those who choose not to vote are uniformed, negligent, ignorant.

Not this guy.

As I said before, I wanted to vote. I went on the gubernatorial (sp.?) candidates websites. Saw their policies. Saw their beautiful faces smiling with their families.

 I wanted to make a difference. But what I realized is that I didn’t want to make a difference just to say I made a difference. Confused? I am too. What I am trying to get at is that most people in this country vote one of two ways. Republican or Democrat. They stare straight down that ballot in the draped booth and they look for their cues. For most of the races they aren’t looking for names like “Morandini” or “Batiste”. They are looking for “red” or “blue”. I apologize to those of you who do that, but I just can’t bring myself to blindly vote for politicians because they supposedly belong to a “party”. When I do vote, I vote on the issues that are important to me.

What do I know of this man’s character? How do I know that this woman is fit to make decisions for me? Let me sit down at Panera Bread and enjoy a You-Pick-2 with each and every person on my ballot and maybe then I will vote based on our conversation and the overall taste of my Bacon Turkey Bravo.

How the hell are the American people supposed to know ANYTHING about ANY CANDIDATE when all we friggin’ hear all day (radio, television, debates) is NEGATIVITY?

John Runyan once raped a donkey. Do you want a donkey rapist representing you in Washington? (This message paid for by the douchebags on the left)

Dan Onorato eats cucumber sandwiches……(wait for it)………WITH SWISS CHEESE. Do you want a man who uses non-American dairy products in Harrisburg? (This message paid for by the douchebags on the right)

Now even with the uncertainty surrounding candidates there is a way that one could get a sense of what each candidate stands for and is planning to do (and vote accordingly). But what if my views aren’t WAYYY over to the left (like most dems these days) or WAYYY over to the right (like most conservatives and my friends these days)? What if I believe in different principles of both parties? What if I believe in the strength of an individual to make a life for himself on his own with limited interference of a governing body? What if I also believe in the necessity and strength of unions? What if I believe that we have a responsibility to help the worthy underprivileged attain the American dream. Yes, I could weigh the issues and just pick the side that seems best to me, but that leaves me way on one side or the other in the end.

And when I do pick somebody, I find out 2 years later that he or she lied and has a pickle fetish.

So here’s what I believe.

I believe that to be invested in something you must be passionate about it.

I am passionate about my family.

Passionate about baseball.

Passionate about music.

When the day comes that I feel passionate about a certain politician or a certain proposition than I will be the first bleary-eyed chap in the booth. But until then, I’m not giving an advantage to someone because of the color of the campaign posters or how many pro bowls they made in the NFL.

So all you politicians out there. Next time you want to throw negative campaigns in the faces on Americans (when I’m trying to watch Game 5 of the World Series) just tell your damn managers to cut the ads and instead take Justin DiBiase to Panera Bread.

I’ll have a Bacon Turkey Bravo and a green tea.

And it’s on you.

-jd